Seniors reflect on the new kid experience

By Arman Manternach ‘23

It’s never easy to be the new kid. Being new adds social complexity and a slew of cultural obstacles to a high school experience that already has its challenges. And at Catlin Gabel School (CGS), despite an inclusivity office and a core value of inclusion, being new can be particularly punishing.

After nearly four years of being ‘new kids,’ I asked members of the class of 2023 that were new to CGS as freshmen to reflect on their experience socially integrating into the CGS community. These conversations raised fascinating ideas about building healthier campus culture and not overlooking a fundamental type of inclusion.

Many new students notice a rigid social order right away. “I think my very first impression of the social life was that there are a lot of really close friend groups that are pretty exclusive,” Karina Gadbaw explains. “The people I was hanging out with would talk about what new kids they wanted to bring into the group and which ones they didn’t want to, like what they were looking for,” she adds.

Other students shared similar experiences facing a socially impenetrable community in their freshman year. “I found myself hanging out more with the new kids, ‘cause they were more open to, like, hanging out with people,” explains Barrett Burnham. “Everybody, it felt, had a friend group already, so it was hard to infiltrate those.”

Many mentioned how important playing a CGS sport was to finding a place socially: “I had soccer before school, like I already knew other freshmen that had played soccer. So I already had some friends going into CGS. And so I felt pretty prepared, knowing how the CGS social situation would be,” says Willa Whalen-Stewart.

“If you play soccer, then you’re in—you get into the social majority,” says Malcolm Grant. “Yup,” asserts Grace Mueller with a laugh. “I think if I had not played a sport going into high school, I would’ve been severely f*cked friend-wise. I don’t think I would’ve been able to get myself out there. Not playing a fall sport can harm your chances of getting into a friend group or making friends early.”

Slow initial integration left the process vulnerable, and in March 2020, the pandemic arrived to crush fledgling relationships.

“New relationships kind of hit a brick wall. The existing students stayed in touch and once we got back into school, we restarted from square zero. Well maybe not square zero. Square one-half,” Burnham explains.

“I just felt like I’d be on the outs and only have like two or three other girls who I could like reach out to. I wasn’t always in the big group, ‘cuz there were still a lot of people I didn't really get to know,” Gadbaw adds.

Having to integrate twice prompted a lot of unique and informed reflection from the new kids of the class of 2023 about how CGS can improve this process.

The general consensus was that CGS applies a fair amount of institutional focus on integrating new students but that this focus is often ineffective on a cultural level.

“I don’t really know what they could have done differently; you can only do so many group activities on the freshman class trip,” says Gadbaw. “The mindsets of the students just wouldn't change: ‘I don't know that new kid, so I'm just gonna stick with you the whole time.’”

“I mean,” Gadbaw continues, “that’s what you do. Everyone’s nervous when high school starts, even if you've been here your whole life. It’s a scramble and a really strong want to keep your friends and to have a solid friend group so you don’t look like you're socially on the outs. I still can’t confront my friends about how sometimes I still feel like I’m the one, that if you needed to let go of someone in the friend group, I would be the one that would be let go of. It’s a student thing. Teachers try to make you work with a lot of different people. The school tries its best.”

How is this student culture built and sustained? Grant has a theory: “A lot of the community building among young students might have the unintended consequence of creating a group that intentionally excludes because it is defending the community that it has been taught, so many times, to build.”

“They push community, community, community, and then those kids recognize that, but then when new people are trying to enter their community, that’s not very welcome,” notes Mueller.

Grant, Mueller, and others raise an interesting question: Does CGS emphasize building community networks between existing members to the point of overlooking the process of adding to the community?

All of the seniors believe that making CGS’s social life more accessible for new community members needs to be driven by leadership within the student body.

“I had a lot of upperclassmen checking in on me through the Palma program. They were just encouraging me to try new things and not necessarily stay to myself,” says Mueller, remembering the positive influence of older peers. “With much respect to Aline and my other teachers, I, and everyone, listen to people that are more like us.”

Gadbaw thinks that strong leadership within the WINGS program has the potential to shift culture. “I’m a WINGS leader and the question I get asked the most from new kids is, does it get easier to be a new kid? It’s interesting to know that it’s not just our grade that had that sort of culture going into it. It’s like, every single grade,” she notices. “Focusing on integration really depends on your leaders,” she adds. “My group talks a lot about being a new kid ‘cuz I was new.

But not every group has a senior like that. More conversation in the WINGS curriculum might be the only thing that would have an actual effect on the culture.”

Finally, the seniors offered words of wisdom to the current freshman about how to move campus culture in the right direction: